I have been anticipating December 10th for a while now. I didn’t know how I would feel once it got here, but tonight find peace in God. Last year today I had beginning signs of miscarriage. The next day our little 8 week baby passed. I guess I could call it baby’s “birthday.” Even though baby had its birthday and death wrapped up in the same moment, I am comforted that he or she experienced an immediate second birth in the presence of God. What a wonderful thing…A moment I long for! Today we sang “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” at Sojourn in preparation for the advent of Jesus. This part filled me with so much joy…
Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Risen with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!”
So a year later, I rejoice in the image I have of that risen little one knowing fully the love of God!
Tonight I am also comforted by the doctrine of “God’s Eternity.” In Systematic Theology, Wayne Grudem defines this doctrine: “God has no beginning, end, or succession of moments in his own being, and he sees all time equally vividly, yet God sees events in time and acts in time.” And Psalm 90 sings, “Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” I was having such a hard time wrapping my mind around how to “grieve rightly” about the loss of our baby. (As I mentioned a few weeks ago,) on one hand, if the miscarriage wouldn’t have happened, I would not have gotten pregnant with Jack. However, I love and miss my other baby and was looking forward to being his or her mom! Do I wish away Jack to have my other baby in my arms? Or do I thank God for how everything worked out?
The good news is that I don’t have to wish away either baby! Even though our minds can only conceive time in days, and months, and so on, God is OUTSIDE of time. And while my mind cannot conceive a women having two babies that are a month apart in age, what is impossible with man is possible with God (Luke 18:27). He sees our existence outside of the realm of time and space. Therefore, both pregnancies happened and mattered. Therefore, Jack AND his brother or sister exist! Therefore, both babies are my babies! God sees both children and loves them. He has a plan for both of them and will glorify them both in himself.
Because Jesus was born to come and die, light has been shone into my darkness.
Tonight I am thankful for my children and for God’s word which brings peace to my heart. I can’t wait to meet our sweet risen baby. Happy birthday, little one. Mama is so glad that you are protected and kept by a faithful savior until the coming ages, the second Advent of Christ.