Around this time of year, I always think back on my miscarriage and God teaches me new things as the years go on. The past couple years I have felt a lot of peace and thankfulness, acknowledging and praising God for the life that he created! And thankfulness for Christ, the firstborn heir of God! By the will of the Father, Jesus was born a healthy baby, and according to that same will, He was sent to die unjustly on the cross for our sins. The sovereign hand of God over Jesus’ life and death brought every child after Him the hope of eternal life! I have hope and assurance that my child is flourishing the perfect watches of God.
This year, however, I am feeling some grief pop back up. Three years since the loss of my first baby, I have had the privilege to be a mommy to two babies. Seeing how deep my love is for them makes me mourn the love I’ve lost for another baby, and will never know in full. I will never hear the first giggles or the funny mis-mashed ramblings of first sentences. I will never lie in bed with them when they are having trouble falling asleep or cheer when they learn the bear crawl. The list of “nevers” will go on and on.
But in this season, I have been encouraged also. 1 Corinthians 13:9-12 explains that we can only have partial knowledge of why God allows suffering and tragic events to happen. “Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, as God has always known me.” God knows me perfectly, and even if I don’t fully know why things happen the way they do, I can take heart in the promise that I will not only know God and His ways perfectly someday, but also that it will make perfect sense.
The Day of peace will be a good day for all of us.